As my miles grew in my races, so did my mind. My training became more about mental grit challenges, and I found myself signing up for races that scared the living shit out of me. When I finished the GDR, and did pretty well, I knew it was finally time for a true 100 mile run.
I decided on Kettle Moraine for many personal reasons. I had never done an ultra in Wisconsin and it was important to me to share this milestone with my family and friends. My grandfather was a forester and spent a lot of time in Kettle. He loved the area, and I remember him telling me so many stories of how beautiful Kettle is. As most of you know, my grandfather and I are extremely close and he is currently is in very bad health. I see the struggle that my grandfather goes through everyday, and I constantly try to compare it to extreme mental challenges. I knew Kettle100 had to be the next race on the docket.
My training for this was very bi polar. I was finally getting back into crossfit, as I was dealing with an injury from GDR. At the same time, my running had finally gotten back to where it needed tobe. My training quickly took a turn as I cracked a rib during a Tough Mudder in Chicago. Broken ribs make it impossible to lift or do any type of bodyweight movements. The only thing that I could now do.. was run. I viewed this as a blessing in disguise, as my plate became less full with training. I would run every morning and every night after work. My miles were quickly adding up per week and months, and I focused each run on pace and miles. I learned so much during this training period about me as a runner, which became very valuable in Kettle.
Packing for this race was a complete nightmare. I'm still a rookie with ultras and I take everyone's advice very seriously. I have a great friend at the local running store, and I spent many lunches analyzing every type of gear with him. I was very happy with my final decisions before and after the race with my fuel and gear. I realized how important it is to be fully prepared for every scenario in these races. I also have enough fuel and gear to last me for about 700 more ultras :)
The night before race day was extremely difficult for me. I started having some serious doubts in my head and thinking of every possible horrible scenario that could happen. I listened to motivational speeches and music all day and night to get my head in the game. I knew that if I walked to the starting line feeling this doubtful, I was going to have a horrible race. A lot of people ask me what my routine is before a race. I find it beneficial to be surrounded by positive vibes all day. I spend hours talking to my best friends, watching comedy shows, joking around with family, talking Layla for walks, and just spending the day feeling extremely grateful to have the mind/body to do this kind of stuff.
The beginning of the race went very smoothly. I met a lot of top runners beforehand, and was probably told 300 times to not start out to fast. I got a lot of encouragement right away from veteran runners when they heard it was my first 100 miler, which really energized me. My crew captain (my brother) and I went through the map one more time, gave him a quick hug, and told him I would see him in 7 miles. When the whistle went off and my legs started moving, I realized how great I was feeling. It was very hard for me to stay at the 12/min pace that I had in my plans. I was going at about a 10/11 min pace until I met Dylan at the first crew aid station. I remember him saying, "are we racing on who will get to the aid stations faster... slow it down". Another factor that helped my pace, was my new friend Dan who I had met a week before the race. This was Dan's third Kettle, and I knew his pace was advanced, but I was having no difficulty with keeping up with it. I also knew that if I passed it, I was truly going too fast.
Everything was going very smoothly for quite awhile. I was finding myself in random conversations with random runners and enjoying the scenery. I took a pretty bad spill right after the seeing Dylan at Bluff, but I knew it would be one of many (actually turned out to be the only one). As I reached the Meadows, I did not understand the hype of the dreadful stories I had heard. I found that to be the most peaceful and fun part of the race and actually wanted to speed up throughout it. However, I listened to the advice I had received through other runners and just kept my pace a tad slower than I wanted. When I reached the turnaround, I had let Dylan know that my knee was starting to be the usual brat that it can be. My good friend Kevin is a massage therapist and was planning on being there later on that evening. I asked Dylan to call him to get him out here earlier as I've learned my lesson from my last Ultra with this knee. I found that the turnaround was the most mentally draining part of the race for me. It was running down this straight trail, and it was getting very hard for me to just focus. At that point, I didn't want to talk to anyone as I knew I was going through a mental shit storm.
I kept putting one foot in front of the other and became re energized seeing more and more of my friends showing up at random aid stations. This was my first race where I had outside support, and it really does just make you want to work harder. It also put me in a really good mood seeing my friends and getting to joke around with them for a couple minutes before I went back to the trails. Kevin wasn't at the aid station that I had hoped, and my knee was starting to lock up every time I went downhill (which was every 5 seconds). I finally saw him at Emma, and I knew I had to spend a longer time there to get my knee back up to par. Once I left the aid station, I had caught up back with Dan and before we reached Bluff, I knew I wasn't going to keep that pace anymore. I wished him luck and actually enjoyed running with myself and using everything I have learned to my benefit.
When I reached Bluff, which was the last crew station before the 100K finish, all my friends and family were there with full energy, signs, and shirts. I was so surprised and touched to see friends who I thought were not going to make it. I saw them all again at the 100K finish where they had my change of clothes, food, and foam rollers all lined up for me. Denny had met me out in the course before I reached the 100K line, and I was very upset as it was beginning to get dark and I thought it was 11 pm. He had reassured me that it was only 7ish and I was ahead of schedule. I almost burst into tears when he told me this. He started laughing at me and told me to hurry up as people were waiting for me at the station. As I walked to the aid station, I had heard over 10 runners telling the workers they were going to take a DNF. I looked at my brother and he had said "Don't even think about it, you are right on track on where you wanted to be". I had never had it in my head to quit.. ever.. but it did shake me up a bit seeing people dropping like flies around me.
Denny (my first pacer) paced me until mile 70. I had a second wind during this time and really enjoyed every minute with him. I was in very high spirits, and Denny is one of the funniest guys I know, so this was the highlight of the race for me. I was extremely happy to have him as my first pacer as it made me be in better spirits as night fall was coming in. However, I knew this was just the start of the bipolarness that I was about to experience. As I reached the next section, which I believed to be the hardest, my spirits went to shit. I didn't want to talk to anyone, as the rain had made the trails very slippery and I was scared that if I fell again, my knee would be in worse shape. Poor Adam (my pacer) had to deal with my moodiness for about 9 miles. Luckily, we ran into Logan (another racer) and his pacer, and Logan was feeling exactly how I was. However, our pacers were in great moods, so they got to talk while Logan and I ended up pacing each other for awhile.
When I reached Highway 12, I was pissed off and hurting. My body also began to start shutting down. I started to get hot and cold flashes, was not hungry, and was out of options on how to feel better. Right when I sat down, my whole body started shaking uncontrollably. My aunt started layering me with clothes, and I saw the looks my crew were giving to each other which were all "oh shit" faces. The aid station worker came up to me and was very firm with me that I had to keep moving. She told me that every runner goes through this moment and I have to pull through if I want to finish. At this time, I thought of a runner who I look up to very much and is a good friend of mine, and what he would be saying to me if he was there "This is not just a race, this is who you are, keep moving". I looked at Denny, and he said "Remember who you are running for", and right at that moment, I didn't care what my body was doing. I told Vyara (pacer) were going to Rice Lake, and off we went.
When we started towards Rice Lake, I started counting to myself to get my mind working again. The more my mind started to wake up, my shaking began to stop. Vyara was the most perfect pacer I could've picked during this time, as she was very caring and let me know about every rock and turn ahead in the trail. Once I started talking more, she started talking more. She really went off my energy and let me come slowly back to life. We ended up at Rice Lake with smiles on our faces, and my crew was very pleasantly surprised. I stuffed down two bowls of soup, and went right back out. I was getting worried about my time, since I knew I had slowed down tremendously. I ran into another runner who I had met earlier in the race, and she let me know that even if I kept at the pace I was at, I would finish in less than 27 hours. This made me feel a little better but I was disappointed as I did want a 24/25 hour finish. Denny was waiting for me again at Hwy 12, and was staying with me until the finish. I had told him that we had to start booking it because I was NOT getting anything over a 25:59 finish.
What I loved most about this race was that it was the first race that I had planned everything out. I had my nutrition, gear, and time frames all mapped out, and I followed my plan throughout the race. Mental grit is important, but it's not something I worry about anymore. I've never ever ever thought about quitting in any of my races, and the 100 miler was no different. I embraced the suck, and knew that it would pass. I learned so many things from this race that I will focus on for my training for my next 100 miler (Sawtooth), and also met a whole new group of local ultra friends. I will never forget this day. It was my first 100 miler but also a day that I felt so extremely blessed for all the people in my life. This race wasn't just me, my crew was the large factor of my finish that day. I was very proud of the moths of hard work I had put in for this race and for never ever doubting that I could finish. This race was a very humbling experience for me as it really got me to feel more like a true "ultra runner".
One last honorary mention:
The day before the race, I had received an email stating that someone had made a 500 dollar donation in my name to the Alzheimer's Association. This person, who wishes to remain anonymous, was the person who I also thought about during my worst moment in this race which made me want to keep going. He is truly one of my greatest friends, and due to a 100K that he dominated in shortly before Kettle, he was unable to fly out and be one of my pacers. My family was extremely touched and full of tears when we heard what my friend had done. Thank you so much for making me realize what this day was truly about and thank you for what you have done for my grandfather and so many other families who are dealing with this disease. Words can not express... at all. "This is not a race.. this is YOU".
3rd in age group
9th overall woman
25:54
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